Guaranteed Bookings

We have a guarantee with our bookings that basically says if you book with us and you encounter a problem with the hotel, we will make it right or move you to another hotel.
A customer today was all kinds of nasty because the hotel she booked was horrible and no one at the hotel could fix it. Apparently there was no maintenance on call or the hotel just did not want to bother with it. Either way, we moved her to another hotel.
She was still traveling and instead of being grateful that she was not forced to stay in a fleabag hotel she was complaining about how it was our fault the hotel was a mess.
Lady, we don't build the hotels. We have hundreds of thousands of hotels all over the world you can book from our website. Do you think we inspect every single room (and yours twice) before you check in? We honored our guarantee by making it right for you. For you to whine and threaten never to use our services again is just too funny.
Let me tell you a story...
Before I came to work for this company I found it necessary to get a hotel for a few days in the area I moved to. I wasn't familiar with the area so I looked in the phonebook, called a few hotels and got the cheapest one I could find. I got there fairly late so I asked the clerk if he would give me a price break. He was visibly annoyed. My punishment? I got a room you only see in nightmares.
The bedspread was rumpled, (although the sheets were at least still made up) there was mold in the corners of the bathroom. and a pubic hair in the sink. The floor had not been vacuumed in quite a while as you could see the white layer of dust all around the edge of the room. It had a strange odor. Nothing, and I mean nothing, was clean.
Furious, I decided to call the front desk... no phone... and I didn't have a cell phone. I stomped over to the door ready to storm the office. That's when I realized the lock didn't work and the door was slightly open. Opening the door I saw gang members dealing drugs in the parking lot with their "girls" standing around bored.
The door got shut, a chair shoved under the knob and I spent a fitful night trying not to get murdered. What a relief it would have been to have the power of that guarantee to get me out of a dangerous situation. Of course, without a phone I still would have had to get through the parking lot but I would have had recourse.
So lady, don't bother to whine to me about how we are so terrible and your vacation was ruined. Boo hoo bi**h.